Kids...

So I was pretty sure I didn't want kids ever ever. Mostly because I'm selfish - I like to have me time, lots and lots of me time, I like hanging out with friends and going out whenever I want to, never having to worry about anyone else. I have very few responsibilities and I like it that way-keeping the plant sitting in the corner of my living room alive is difficult enough. Speaking of, I should water it, it's looking pretty limp.

I used to really like hanging out with kids, and I dreamed of having 3 kids - start with twin boys and then a couple of years later have a girl. My career goal was to work with children with autism, and I did for 3 years. I enjoyed it immensly in the beginning, but it was so intense, and soon I burnt out. It was around the time I decided not to pursue a career in working with children with autism that I started to feel that I didn't want to have children of my own. I used to say that it was because children seem to suck the life out of their parents, and the parents don't ever have time for themselves and I don't want to be in that situation.I know that parents with children with autism are in a completely different bracket from parents with "normal" kids, but I still felt the same way. Now that I've been thinking about it really long and hard, I think that's not it at all. I think I realize how much love and energy these parents devote to their children and I don't think I could ever do anything like that. What if I did have a child with autism? I burnt out in 3 years, how can I devote myself for the rest of my life? Parents work hard just to make a living, but then they also work waaaaaay harder to make sure their kids are getting the best of everything - and that never ever ends! Oh my brain hurts. I'll think about this later...