A Year and Some Months Later

I received a phone call this morning from the fertility clinic. A couple has decided that they would like to move forward with me. Would I like to participate? This cycle will be "easier" according to the nurse that called, as I won't have to do all the genetics testing and as much blood work. I've forgotten how much blood I lost during that period of my life.

They're sneaky, those fertility clinic people...they waited until I don't really remember the pain of recovery or the frustration of not being able to enjoy a stiff cocktail at the end of a long work day...not being able to get out of bed for a week, constipation, weight gain...ugh. Yet, I'm sitting here, considering it. I totally remember saying that I would NEVER EVER do it again while leaning out of bed, vomiting up the percocet I had taken 20 mins before.

The truth is, I feel guilty. This couple have probably tried everything they can to have a baby of their own, and this is most likely their last resort. Knowing that there's only a very tiny handful of Asian donors out there, I feel like I am obligated to give these people a chance to have a baby...or a few babies. All my friends are reminding me of how horrible recovery was last time. I know it was horrible, but I related it to childbirth - OBVIOUSLY not a fun experience but people do it again and again. I only have to suffer for about a month and a half and I'm done. I don't know. I don't know what I'm thinking. I'm an idiot.

T-1

Wow, I am having a pretty horrendous day. For one my stomach is HUGE, two there is so much pressure I can hardly stand up, three I can't sit, stand or lie down without pain. I went in for my last check up today, where the nurse assured me that I should feel pretty normal in about a week. I asked why I was feeling so awful, and she said that ovaries are generally the size of golf balls, but right now they are the size of large tennis balls, so of course there would be pressure. OMG, I can't wait!

I spent all day in bed trying to figure out the most comfortable position. Um, I discovered that there is none. Tonight looks like doom.

Harvest Time!!

The doctors had lowered my dose of hormones, good thing too because as I've been writing, I am not feeling fabulous lately. My breasts hurt, I can hardly drive without wincing at every little bump. And I'm soooooo bloated. I can't quite seem to be able to find a position where I'm semi comfortable. So, last night, I was allowed to eliminate Follistim from my daily regimen and lower the dose of Menopur to 75 units from 150 units. I was relieved as I was running out of potential injection sites (trying to avoid the bruises, which are darker today).

This morning I went in to the clinic for my the regular blood work and sonogram, where the doctor gasped over my ovaries' progress - lots and lots of eggs. So I inquired as to the number of eggs that he was seeing and he said about 25...um...which sounded a lot higher than what I thought they had said they were aiming for in the beginning. When I asked what the average number of eggs that were collected was, he said about 15. WOAH. I sure hope this couple will end up with a pregnancy! That's a lot of eggs!! Then he suggested that unless I was planning to get pregnant, I get on some serious birth control. He said that I would not have trouble having children in the future and that if I did, it would not be caused by me. It's nice to know that I have that ability. He asked how I was feeling and I went on a rant about the discomfort and the bruising, which he assured me was all normal and that it won't go on for long, since tonight I'd stop the usual hormone injections and take the trigger shot. That would make my harvest date 2 days from now!! Woot woot!

HCG - human chorionic gonadotropin - will trigger ovulation, about 48 hours after receiving it. The clinic will retrieve the eggs about 36 hours after injection, just before the eggs will be released from the ovaries. Unlike the others, HCG is given in the gluteal muscle in the upper buttock area. My instruction was to take it at 11:45pm. The needle is larger than the others, but at this point, I'm not really afraid of it. I needed to exert a bit more pressure to get the needle in, which wasn't comfortable but not that bad. It's been about an hour since the injection and my bum is quite sore - the kind of soreness you have after a work out. I also started taking 2 doxycycline pills a day - it's a precautionary measure against infections.

This means no injections tomorrow!! YAY!!! One more visit to the clinic before the harvest and then I'm done! I'm soooooooo excited!!!!

Wow...

For the past 4 days, I've been doubling up on Menopur and taking the same amount of Lupron and Follistim. It's too bad that I have to double the Menopur because that's the one that hurts. Oh well, I can take it, it's only for a few more days. When I saw the doctor on Friday, he said that I didn't even have a full week left - thank goodness, I'm so done with this. I'm uncomfortable most of the time, there's a lot of pressure in my stomach, which I notice the most when I go from standing to sitting or shift my position while sitting.

Now, with all the bloating and feeling fat, I've not been looking at myself very much. Last night, while preparing for this evening's shots, I yelped in shock as I discovered bruises around my belly button, around my injection sites. These aren't light bruises that you'd see after bumping into a table or something, these are deeply purple, ugly bruises, the hideousness significantly increased by the fact that it's in the middle of my belly.

To top it all off, I've had the worst night's sleep. I woke up around 3:00am, sweating and nauseous, which continued for a couple of hours (felt like a couple of centuries). I hope, I hope, oh I hope I don't have to go through it again tonight. Oh my gosh, I can't wait to feel normal again!!

Fertility hormones

Since this past Friday, I've been giving myself 3 injections. Lupron, Follistim, and Menopur. Lupron, as I mentioned before, I've decreased the dosage to 5 units from 10 units.

Menopur triggers FSH and LH production in the body, it stimulates the ovaries to produce multiple follicles, which basically means I'll be more fertile. It is kind of complicated to administer, as it comes in a solid form, to be dissolved in 1ml of sodium chloride. I use a mixing cap to take the sodium chloride and transfer it into the Menopur vial, then suck up the entire content and then change the tip to a needle to inject into my tum tum. Menopur is a bit painful - it's not unbearable, but it stings and feels like a very sharp cramp. My least favorite of all three.

Follistim is a purified form of FSH - I store it in the fridge, and it's quite convenient as it comes in a pen form, and I can change the gauge at the base of the pen to administer the exact amount that I need. I thought this would feel the strangest, since the solution lives in the refrigerator and it's cold; however, it's the least weird. The needle is the biggest of the three, but I find that it's the least uncomfortable - it's probably disturbing to read this, but the needle goes in like knife through soft butter. It could cause breast tenderness, diarrhea, nausea/vomiting, constipation and hot flashes. Sure sounds like fun.

These injections leave me with some discomfort for about 20 mins afterward. It's not too bad - I keep thinking it's only for 2 weeks. Light massaging helps. Sometimes, I must not be doing it quite correctly, I find that I bleed at the injection site for a few minutes. My sharps box is getting full rapidly! Is it weird that I think that's cool?

Next big step!!

I went to the clinic to get another monitoring. It was a longer visit, with more elaborate blood work, where they took about 10 vials and ended with a sonogram. The doctor, while looking at the sonogram, exclaimed that I had beautiful ovaries, and asked the nurse to decrease the dosage of the hormones. So starting tonight, I will take half the amount of Lupron as before, and they also lowered the amount of Follistim from 175 units to 125 units. I won't start the Menopur and the Follistim until Friday, but it makes me feel better knowing that I can go through this process with less chemicals pumped into my abdomen. Just a few more days til the real hormones!!! Whoo!!!

Background Story

During my sophomore year in college, my roommate came home one night, very excited about a new money making idea. She said she could make thousands of dollars by donating her eggs. I had no idea what she was talking about so she gushed and told me that she would take fertility drugs for a month and they'll harvest her eggs and she'll be rich. It sounded strange but intriguing, so we did some research and it didn't sound too bad. So we headed to the fertility clinic and we each filled out an application form. While talking to the doctor, I lost my interest as it seemed too time consuming and way more work that I wanted to put in.

About 2 years later, I decided that I didn't want to have children. I was so wise and I knew everything then, so I knew exactly what I wanted. I no longer have that superpower. While I knew I didn't want to have children of my own, I wanted to procreate and have my offspring indirectly - make a genetic donation to the world without the responsibilities. Egg donation seemed like the perfect solution - I would help someone, my want for indirect procreation will be done, and I wouldn't have to worry about whether the child/children were being taken care of because obviously the parents really really want to have the baby. And the fact that I get paid for it made it even more attractive. So I went back to the clinic, had a more serious discussion with the doctor and started getting the various tests done. The ultrasound, the blood test, and the psychological test were completed, I submitted my baby picture and all there was left to do was to wait for a couple to choose me.

I waited and waited and eventually, 3 years went by. There was some contact from them, asking if I still wanted to be on their donor list and such. I had basically forgotten about it when they called me out of the blue and asked for an additional baby picture as there was a couple who were interested but wanted to get a better picture since in the first picture I had a hat and sunglasses on. With my heart thumping, I sent them another picture. As I was sending the picture, I thought, oh my gosh, this could actually happen! It had been so long and I had basically given up on the whole thing. Now I wasn't sure if I 100% didn't want children anymore, there's always a possibility that as I get older, I may change my mind. Not that if I donate my eggs, I will lose my fertility, it's just that now, I didn't need someone else to have my baby (that sounds weird). I researched the egg donating process again and looked up the risks. Of course, I found a bunch of horror stories about ovarian hyperstimulation and infections in the uterus and the horrendous pain after the harvest. I spoke to a couple of ladies who had donated eggs before and they reassured me that those risks are very small and that they had good experiences. So I calmed myself down and waited for them to call me and say that I was chosen.

For 3 months, I heard nothing. So I gave up again, a bit offended that they rejected me after seeing a clear picture of my face. I was a cute child!! Then one day, I received an email from the coordinator informing me that I had been chosen by the couple and that I should schedule a genetics testing (I guess she had been calling me for weeks, but I was screening because I didn't know the number and my voicemail box is full so she couldn't leave me a message.). Oh my gosh, it's really going to happen!! PANIC!! I wrote back to let her know that I was still interested but wanted to ask about the risks and what she has witnessed at the clinic. All sorts of thoughts were going through my head - what will my family think, how will my boyfriend feel, can I give myself injections, how will I react to the hormones, what if I'm the small percentage of people that the bad things happen to, do I agree to have the child find out who I am if they choose to once they turn 18, can I commit to doing this for a month???

I will share my thoughts and my journey as an egg donor on this blog.